After newly discovering the power to impeach people who aren’t in public office anymore, congressional democrats conducted a séance to tear President Richard Nixon’s soul out of the afterlife to stand trial for his impeachment.
“It’s not about politics, it is about making sure bad people can’t ever get re-elected!” Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer had to say as he stood at the podium squeezing the blood out of a baby fetus.
A few republicans joined with the democrats in the séance to call bring forth the soul of President Nixon.
“We need to set a precedent that it isn’t about politics, it is about doing what is right and standing up for decency in the government!” Republican Senator Mitt Romney said as he took a knife and carved a pentagram into the palm of his hand. “We have got to keep these evil people from getting re-elected at all costs!”
Senator Mitt Romney could be seen pressing his bloodied hand against the foreheads of the few Republicans that volunteered to be vessels for President Nixon’s soul to speak through. These republicans are willing to do anything to make sure President Nixon gets the impeachment he deserves and is never allowed to be elected again.
Experts are concerned that by recalling the soul of Nixon to this realm, the soul of Nixon will be stuck haunting the halls of Congress until the end of eternity.
“That would be a bad thing.” One voter had to say when asked about the risk of President Nixon’s soul being bound to this plane of existence. “Congress will be so distracted by the soul of Nixon that they will spend all of their time trying to deal with the soul of Nixon and blame all of the problems they create on the soul of Nixon!”
While they were successful in summoning the soul of President Richard Nixon from the afterlife, it is still unknown if they will have enough votes to convict. The trial may be delayed for years while enough democrats are elected and the right supreme court justices are put in place in order to convict.